Once You Look up From The Screen

Hey Beautifuls!

Long time no see, huh?

I can’t help thinking this being a little bit ironic, since I ended my previous post with the words: “see you soon”. Well, I’m sorry, but I hope you’ve been well and that you’ve had a great Christmas and New Years and everything else that has been happening since last time. I know I have, and I guess that is the main reason why I haven’t exactly been around recently. I’ve encountered new things in life that has made me forget about the computer. Long story short, I happened to look up from the screen to go and explore the world beyond it. And I tell you, I found some pretty awesome things…

Every New Years, the churches around the neighborhood arrange an annual ski-camp for teenagers between 13 and 17 years old. Me, now being 19, accompanied as a leader, but also as a member of the band playing on the evening services. In this band, there was a certain guy which I got to know during this week. And he, well… There is no way to make this sound not-cliche: get ready to hear something real cheesy!

This guy is just as sweet as you’d picture the sweetest guy on earth being. He is loving and caring and when somebody seems a little blue, he always make sure to check in on them. His eyes are in the most beautiful light brown color, and every time he looks at me I feel like I’m about to melt (not to mention when he smiles). When he’s not around I miss him, but when I’m right next to him I wanna be even closer. It’s crazy!

One morning, our band was gonna wake the teenagers up. Since he and this other guy from the band was sleeping in a separate room where nobody would mind the alarm start ringing, he got to wake me up so that no one else in our room would wake up. I remember feeling a gentle hand on my shoulder and then somebody whispering my name (now here comes the cheese, Beautifuls…), and when I opened my eyes to meet his beautiful face, I knew that vision was the vision I would want to be the first thing to see every morning for the rest of my life. So, I haven’t known this guy for more than a month and now I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him? – True.

I have never felt anything like this before. It’s like when he talks about the future, I see myself sharing it with him. When I’m thinking of what I want to do this fall, go back to studying or keep working, I always have him in mind. I think of him as my life partner, which is totally insane because it’s not even set if he looks at me in the same way as I look at him or not. It just, it feels right, given even. As if it is ment to be… Sorta like I imagine love being in the movies! That’s why I’m also afraid it is too good to be true, and that I’m about to get seroiusly hurt.

But how could it ever feel so right if it wasn’t? No, there’s got to be something there. However, things ain’t gonna happen on their own. It’s time to face it that if you’re gonna win you’re gonna have stop dreaming and go out there, be brave and take risks! AND: look up from the screen once in a while! Because Beautifuls, your babe is out there, either you’ve found him/her or not. But you may not get a second chance, so seize the moment and don’t let anybody else get there first! For all you know you may give something amazing up. You wouldn’t wanna risk that, would you?

So Be Brave, Beautifuls! Be spontaneous and take risks! What have you even got to lose? Nothing! Only lots to win… ♥︎

Live your life as if it’s worth something. Because it is…
Your Lissy

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Merry Christmas!

Hey Beautifuls!

I just wanted to make a stop and wish you all a Merry Christmas! Hope you have a nice day with lots of nice food and love from your families. Take care of each others and seize the day, save the moment and take nothing for granted. I’ll see you soon! ♥︎

Love,
Lissy

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How to Get Rid of Stage Fright!

Hello Beautifuls!

Did you know that the first time I was gonna enter a stage, I felt sick for two weeks before the actual date of action? Did you know I felt even more sick being up there, so that I never wanted to do it again? And did you know, that I decided to do it anyways, despite my fear? Let’s just say I didn’t like having stage fright and I knew there would be two ways to get rid of it: 1. Never do anything in front of people, or 2. BEAT IT. Being a musician, the audience is kind of a big deal, so you might guess what I did.

I know it sounds like a piece of cake, putting it like this, but it really isn’t. Trust me, I’m aware of that. But I happen to believe that if you only have faith you can move mountains, and if you have a great deal of willpower you could overcome any fear you’d like! Actually, that’s where I started: setting my attitude. Then what? I’ll tell ya!

In my case, I’d be most likely to appear on stage while singing, playing the piano or doing an oral presentation in school. Every time I got the chance to perform, I took it. It’s no secret that the more you do something, the better you get at it. This goes with stage performances as well, and I was willing to believe that if I only did it many times, eventually the fear would go away.

It’s clever to start a little earlier on the road if your insecure, though. To me, it was much easier to talk or sing in front of people if the crowd wasn’t too big and if I had somebody with me. Thereby, I started with group presentations, choirs and bands. Then, when I’d feel safe in these situations, I would perform in even smaller groups until I’d be ready to stand on my own two feet. It is important to remember that while trying something new that includes leaving your comfort zone, it will be scary, but if you want to develop you must do things that scares you as well. But the fine part is that once you’ve developed, it won’t be scary any longer!

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After having been on stage a few times, I started noticing certain “side effects”. Usually my voice would start trembling and so would my hands, I would begin sweating, my cheeks would get red (although actually my entire face) and ultimately the anxiety over what I have already mentioned would make me forget the lyrics or what I had planned to say. These five things combined would be the worst scenario imaginable. If I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this it would have been perfect… Do you know what? It’s all about the preparations!

Are your hands shaking? Move them! Gesticulate! If you’re not comfortable with that, then use a lectern or a table where you could put your hands! Your voice trembling? Use your stomach! All singers know how important it is to be in touch with your stomach while singing – the same goes while talking! You’re face turning red? – Hello? MAKE-UP! (It’s true – I applied a skin colored powder every time I was gonna perform, because I knew that if the audience wouldn’t think of my red cheeks, nor would I!) Blackout? Try memorizing the text or the lyrics until you could tell it in your sleep, otherwise use key words and main points!

Of course, misfortunes could happen no matter how well prepared you are. However, if the performance didn’t go the way you wanted, don’t see it as a defeat – see it as a healthy experience which you can learn from. Next time you’ll do it differently, simple as that!

A friend of mine began with holding a presentation in front of one person only. First, they would be sitting, then they would both be standing up and lastly she would be standing and the other person would be sitting. It could also be a good idea to practice with people you already know, such as friends or family members. It’s nice to know the audience won’t judge you. Besides, it’s also

So, what did I say really? Well, I thought I’d might as well sum up. These are my tips:

  1. Set the right attitude. You can do it and you want to!
  2. Start where you’re comfortable and carefully move away from your comfort zone. Take baby steps if you may! What matters is that your moving forward!
  3. Be prepared and be so a long time in advance. Don’t write your speech the night before it’s supposed to be held, write it a week before.
  4. Don’t let a bad performance bring you down. Analyze it and learn from it so that you can do better next time.
  5. Get support! Use your friends, family or somebody else what your comfortable with. Share your goals with them and ask them to help you through this.

Now, I’m not saying this is what You need to do to get rid of stage fright (perhaps it’s not even a problem for you), but it worked for me and if you’re dreaming about overcoming your stage fright and are willing to try these tips, I’d say: What’s stopping you? Either it will help or it won’t, no matter what you haven’t lost a thing. Right? I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you, Beautiful! ♥︎

Kindest Regards,
Lissy

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Thank God for Kind Hearts

Hey Beautifuls!

Do you ever feel like there are two different kinds of people in this world? There are good people, with kind hearts, and there are those who only cares about themselves. Well, at least I’m thinking like there could be some sort of scale.

Me, I guess I’d be somewhere in the middle. I mean, I could be worse, but there are definitely some things I could work on too. I have ambitions, though. I would love to become a better person, especially after realizing what incredible individuals there are on this planet, and that it’s actually possible to be good.

There is this old man who always goes to the supermarket where I work. He walks ill, due to the alcoholic problem he had during the major part of his life. He’s either with his old-man-friends or on his own, and he tends to speak quite dirty at times. It’s no hard guess why he is as lonely as he is, so to say. I’m sure you see it as well.

Yet it is impossible not too feel sorry for him. It’s so obvious he’s in pain, and while he is it is also obvious to see that he regret the way he has been living his life. It’s even more difficult not to feel bad for him this time a year. Luckily, I happen to be colleagues with the woman with the biggest heart in town. She must have been working there since the beginning of time, just as long as he has been shopping there, and she has seen this man. That’s why she, once again, has decided to give him a basket of products from the supermarket which she has seen him buying.

I thought I was gonna cry when I heard this today. Isn’t that like the most beautiful gesture? I tell you, to me it really goes all the way into the heart. And that’s when I know that that is the kind of person I wanna be. The world could never get enough of people like that!

Maybe this year, it’s time we raise our heads and take a look just a little bit further away. Beyond the people we already know and beyond the people we always spoil with presents. Actually, you don’t even have to make food-baskets for everybody, you could just give them a smile and wish them a merry christmas. For all you know, that could be the light of the day!

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I hope you’re well. If not, that is what I will wish for this Christmas.
Take care you Beautiful souls! ♥︎

Love,
Lissy

 

Ten Pictures That Will Make You Go to Scandinavia

Hey Beautifuls!

Have you ever been to Scandinavia? Sometimes I get the impression like this is a part of the world that we tend to forget. Why go to Oslo, Copenhagen or Stockholm when you could visit Paris, Rome or Madrid? And why visit the forest, when you could go to a nice beach by the Mediterranean? Well, guess what: I’m gonna give you ten reasons why! Because believe it or not, but Scandinavia is really the place to be!

A few years ago, my family decided to go to Norway. Being in Norway, we wanted to have a look on the incredible nature. In Norway, there are some attractions marked on the map with amazing views. One of them being Trollstigen

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And another one being the nice little town Geiranger, beautifully located by the feet of the mountains,
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And the Geiranger Fiord.

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But simply going through Norway in the right hour may lead you to this view:

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Maybe you’ll cross the border and spend a few days in Kiruna, the northernmost city of Sweden? And maybe, the snow has not even left the mountains before the summer begins…

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Nor has the ice disappeared from the lakes.

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Whereas, in the southern parts of Sweden, the landscape is summerly green. And the fields are either a beautiful, flowery vision for the eye…

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Or a delicious dinner for a cow.

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Or you know, for other animals.

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Still not persuaded? Possibly after reading these interesting facts!

No way you could say no to visit a place…
1) Where the highest mountain in the country measures 560 feet above sea level and is in fact a hill. (Denmark)
2) Where you can see the sun 24 hours a day. (summertime in the north parts of Norway and Sweden)
3) Where you can spot northern lights in the winter. (Norway, Sweden)
4) Where you can walk into any kind of forest, meadow or whatever, almost anywhere you’d like without permission thanks to an existing law (Norway, Sweden). This law also allows you to pick wild fruits and flowers, as long as the species aren’t endangered.
5) Where they still have a royal family. (Denmark, Norway, Sweden)
6) That owns Greenland. (Denmark)
7) Where polar bears live. (Svalbard, Norway)
8) Which brought Ikea, Volvo and Avicii to the world. (Sweden)
9) Where the citizens consume the most coffee in the world (Denmark, Norway, Sweden)
10) From which the vikings actually originated and still has ruins (and stones) perserved from that time (Denmark, Norway, Sweden) !

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Now what do you say? Worth a visit or not?

Well, I thought it was! I love beautiful landscapes, which Scandinavia has lots of, and the air is totally fresh! The cities may not be as massive as London or New York. Instead they offer a familiar atmosphere and good shopping.  ♥︎

See you in Scandinavia, Beautifuls!
Lissy

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Let There Be Music!

Hello Beautifuls!

So, I woke up to the most beautiful, white landscape outside my window this morning. Snow! Everywhere and all around; it must have been snowing all night!

It’s interesting. Where I live, snow is nothing we take for granted anymore. I guess global warming is one of the villains in this, but as I’ve heard, climate is always changing. There by, the word “winter” is more often referred to darkness and depression than snow and light. It’s actually a word we use around here: winter depression, because as soon as the nights become a little longer, the mornings get darker and so does the afternoons, and a thick cloud is covering the sky between these hours, people tend to turn a little blue. In some cases, VERY BLUE.

Me, I thought this was just nonsense until last year. There was no snow at all. Only rain, wind and darkness. I mean, seriously: where had the snow gone to? I was getting impatient, then I felt let down, then depressed as well. That’s why this morning, I felt some extra hope for the humanity! Today is gonna be a good day, that’s what I told myself, and honestly I believe in it!

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There are plenty of things going on these days. This afternoon, my church is gonna hold a Christmas party. We’ll start up with a service, a choir (in which I am participating) will be singing, a short sketch about the birth of Christ will be played, then everybody is gonna go and eat together, dance around the Christmas tree and then we’re sorta just gonna stick around and wait for Santa Clause. I know this is mainly for the kids, but I can’t help feeling a little excited as well!

It’s gonna be a nice party, I’m sure of that! Although, I have some rehearsing to do. You see, this is not the only Christmas party I will be singing at. Next Wednesday, there is another one. Then there’s Christmas Eve in Church again, and a week after that I will be joining a New Years Camp with more than 300 teenagers and young adults, leaders as myself included, where there are gonna be short ceremonies in the evenings. I’m in the band, and since we want there to be at least some variation, we have about 15 songs to rehears. I’d be lying if I’d say we weren’t working our hands off! Because you know, can’t really work your ass off when all you’re using are your hands! Blink, blink? No? Okay, sorry for my bad joke!

Despite of the amount of work, I’m actually looking forward to all this. Music haven’t been as big part of my life lately as I would have wanted it to be. Now, just like that, I have projects going on all December! Honestly, I feel very blessed! Music is just so emotional, so personal. I’m touched to my very heart every time it surrounds me!

Now, what about you, Beautifuls? Are you in a choir? In a band? Or a great listener of music maybe? I think it’s nearly impossible to exclude music from your life, so I’m sure you have some connection to it!

So, let there be music! ♫

And let it ring, all the way till Christmas. Fifteen days to go, Beautifuls…

Love,
Lissy

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Christmas Shopping!

Hey Beautifuls!

How’s it going? Got started yet?

I’m nearly a bit scared to say this (because then I’ll remember I’ve forgotten something), but I think I made my last purchases today… (!)

We went shopping my entire family actually. Mom and dad went by themselves and my brother and I decided to go together. It was a good day. Christmas trees in every store, lights twinkling in more shades than I knew existed and, naturally, Santa Clause in the middle of the mall. Let’s just say the children was rather drawn to this point of the building!

It was impossible not to notice the Christmasy atmosphere. Or the masses of people for the record, that also had decided to go Christmas shopping today… Well yeah, It was pretty crowded. But somehow that’s Christmas too!

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So, I found a nice jacket, some earplugs and a hand cream. The thing with my family these days is that we buy our own gifts and then switch with each other. It may sound boring, but that way everyone gets what they want!

Although, I’ve found some unexpected gifts as well. Like a whole box of my dad’s favorite candy, or a nice set of headphones for my cousin. Now all I have to do is wrapping it in (which is gonna take a while), but to be honest I think this is the best part! I get to be creative, which I like, and the gifts always turn out very pretty! Or well, almost always. Sometimes it looks more like a colorful, ball of news paper pages, but you can’t score every time, right?

However, I’m gonna do my best! ♥︎

Wish me good luck!
Lissy

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The Boy No One Could Help (Part Five)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend you to start with those before moving on to this one. Below are links to the previous parts.

Part One: When I First Met Simon

Part Two: To Walk And Talk

Part Three: Goodbye

Part Four: Simon Sees The Light

 

Part Five: Our Last Meeting

I waited and waited, but the turning point never came. Simon didn’t get better, and he knew he wasn’t going to. So he decided to do it, once and for all: tonight he was gonna suicide.

He told me about it, of course. I had stopped him before, and I considered doing the same this time too. But something told me I wasn’t. I wasn’t gonna stop him this time. After all, it was his life. And I was not the one to decide what to do with it. Besides, I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t. Instead I prayed for God to watch over him, and to meet him in Heaven if he was to do it. I knew Simon had a heart of gold, there had to be a place for him up there. So I tried to comfort myself with that.

Still that night I woke up several times. Every time thinking: “Has he done it yet? What time is it?” It was impossible to know, though. Simon weren’t exactly the kind of person that slept at night. He could stay awake all night through if he pleased. Instead I checked Facebook when I woke up to see how long it had been since he was online. A few hours. By every time I checked, even more hours had been added to the inactivity. Three hours turned to six hours, eight hours, twelve hours… But no, nothing. I couldn’t believe it. He was dead. Simon was gone.

It was such a weird day. I did my best to be nice against all the customers whereas my mind was focusing on figuring out a good way to tell his friends that Simon had suicided, and that I had known about it. And was I gonna tell them first or should I go to the place where I knew he’d be and call the police first? What if somebody else would discover the body before me? No, poor human! I should go and find him. That way I could also make sure he was actually dead.

But I knew he was dead. Just the fact that Simon always answered his texts, and now he didn’t, spoke for it. And if he was asleep, he’d only sleep for three hours maximum. Now he hadn’t been online for 14 hours. This was it. For some reason I felt like giving him a call when I got home before I set off to look for him. (I guess there still was some hope left in me that thought he’d might pick up.) No answer. I called a second time just to be absolutely sure. “Hello?” I couldn’t believe it; IT WAS SIMON!

I have never experienced a phone call as peculiar as this one before. I explained to him that I wanted to check in on him to see if he was dead or not and he told me he’d done it. He DID suicide last night. He just woke up from the sound of his cell ringing. He was in his room, at home, safe. But he had no idea how he’d got there, especially not since nobody but me knew about his plans. Nor did he know how he could ever be alive. Nothing made any sense.

That took a while to sink, for both of us. I was happy I wouldn’t need to go and look for a body that afternoon, though. There were no words to describe the relief when Simon picked up the phone. It was crazy.

Simon seemed to feel pretty okay too, which was unusual. But I was glad for him. Of course, not even this lasted very long. About one week after this incident, Simon had got off the phone with his uncle in Iran. I was to find out what he’d had to say to Simon the very next afternoon.

The wind was warm and the sun was shining when I met Simon for the last time, of course by then, I didn’t know this was gonna be the last time I saw him. This afternoon, we met in another park, near by a lake. As I found out, Simon had been there since last night. He hadn’t been able to sleep because of the news. Instead, he had gone to the park, just sitting staring, but out in the blue for a change.

“So, my uncle called me yesterday”, he started. “Told me that my parents died in Afghanistan when I was a baby. *break* My “parents” aren’t even my real parents. *break* I don’t have any parents!” Then he broke into tears. “There is always something waiting for me, Lissy”, he cried. For the first time since he’d started to tell me that, I could actually believe him. How was it even possible? How could there even be more things to burden this kid with? His life was such a joke.

I tried to comfort him, but it was absurd. After spending as much time with Simon as I had recently, I understood why he wanted to kill himself. I mean, come on! He had no family, no close friends, he was lonely, he couldn’t sleep, he had stopped eating, the depression was killing him and now he had just found out that his parents had been lying to him his entire life. Yeah I know, now I sounded just like Simon. I’m sorry, but I guess that’s because I now was just as sick of Simons life as he was. It was time to face it – I couldn’t help him. No one could! Of course I didn’t want to believe it, not when God had come into his life and everything, that Simon could really be a left over. But seriously, he would never get better. If anything, he would get worse – and so would I. This had to reach an end.

But how could I ever end it? If I’d leave him, he’d literally have nobody. Plus, he was an amazing guy. He really didn’t deserve this crappy life! I suppose that was what made me choose to stay and give him a hug, instead of getting up and walk away. Also, I had learned a few things since I first met Simon. One: talking made him feel better, Two: talking about things beyond suicide and depression made him even happier. I didn’t feel like talking about heavy things anymore, it was too hard, so instead we ended up talking about pottery and carving, since Simon just told me he used to make sculptures in Iran. Incredible… I was sure I knew everything about him already, but there were so many more impressive things about him that I didn’t know.

I really liked Simon, I did. After all this time, he was like a brother to me, but actually I was afraid I liked him more than so. Perhaps you remember that the first time we met, I told Simon I was interested in somebody else to avoid future complications if he for any reason would develop feelings for me? Well, he had. Since a few weeks back, he had been talking about this wonderful girl he’d met, that he’d never felt anything like this before but he could never have her because she would never love him back. I was the only girl his age that he was in touch with during this time, so let’s just say I kinda assumed it was me.

If Simon and I hadn’t had the relationship that we had, this would be a dream scenario. A guy likes me, I might like him back… Of course I’d give it a try! But this wasn’t just “a guy”; this was Simon. If things wouldn’t work out, I could never hurt him like that, ever. So I decided it was better to stay his friend. At least then I wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

Wrong. If you have not heard about irony before, this is what they call irony, Beautifuls:

When I got home that night, Simon had sent me a text confessing all his feelings for me and telling me that it was too hard for him to see me. He couldn’t do that if he knew we’d only be friends and nothing more. So, have I got this right? I chose to stay his friend in order to avoid hurting him when in fact I ended up hurting him more? Yep, that’s how it was. Then he blocked my number.

I don’t know if it was Simon or if it was God who saw how much this was tearing on me, but he let me out of it. I didn’t see Simon again. I can’t say whether he still lives in the city or not, or if he’s alive even. For all I know, he may have gone through with his “plan” and moved on to a different life, reunited with his real parents and you know, living a life without depression.

I wouldn’t know. Honestly, I stopped caring. Don’t get me wrong, Simon still means a lot to me and I pray for him every day. But I have left him in the hands of God now. And I gotta say: I’ve never been better. ♥︎

Lissy

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What I Do When I Don’t Do Anything

Hey Beautifuls!

How are you these days?

Christmas is doubtlessly the most busy time of the year, for everyone, I think. But there’s gotta be some time when you’re off school or work and you don’t have anything in specific to do? Can I ask you something? – What do you do then really?

You know I’m a very busy person (how could you forget, I tell you all the time…), which means when I’m finally free, I don’t want to believe it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I spend the first half hour trying to figure out what I have forgotten. “There has to be something I’m supposed to do, this isn’t logical!” Then I realize I’m actually completely off duty. That’s when I shout out of joy, and make myself some pancakes!

When having eaten the pancakes I go to my room, find out it looks like a total mess in there and tell myself I should clean it up. Then what do I end up doing? Telling myself that cleaning is boring and I don’t wanna do that right now!

So my safari around the house begins. What’s there to do? My friends are working or studying, so I can’t call any of them. It’s cold and rainy out side (BTW if you want tips on what to do on a rainy day you should go and check this out!) so I think I want to stay indoors. Think. Yeah, I keep thinking. It’s not like I would have somebody to talk to. It’s quite lonely indoors. I’m alone. Is my life always this lonely? No, only at the moment.

It’s funny, because any other day of the week, all I’d wish for would be a day off. Now that I have it… BOY IS IT HARD TO THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO! I walk around the house, have a look into the different rooms, go to the bathroom, open the door to the refrigerator, turn on a episode of friends and stay there until I’ve seen at least five of them. Then I go to the bathroom again. (It’s true – I’ve come to see a certain pattern. The days I’m free, at home, I use the bathroom way more times than on the days I do stuff. I’m pretty sure this is a side-effect of not having anything to do!)

But at least I don’t do nothing. I do a lot of things when I don’t do anything! All the things I just told you, some days I might even clean a little? Or take an extra tour around the house! Well, I know, impressive but yeah, that’s what I do!

Now, what about you, Beautifuls? What do you do when you say you don’t to anything?  Let me know! I know you all do something… ♥︎

Kindest Regards,
Your lil’ Miss Lissy

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The Boy No One Could Help (Part Four)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend reading those before moving on to this one. Here are links to Part 1 – 3:

Part 1: When I First Met Simon

Part 2: To Walk And Talk

Part 3: Goodbye

Part Four: Simon Sees The Light

Simon kept struggling with sleepless nights and dark thoughts. The depression really was like a disease. Our meetings cheered him up, though, and when we hung out, the depression didn’t bother him as much. I guess that’s why eventually he started to call me the pill.

But whenever he was alone, it would come after him. Telling him he was useless, worthless and forgotten. That he could just go and kill himself right away, because no one would mind anyways. I got many of these texts, when Simon had started to believe in it and tried to convince me that it was the right thing to do. That he needed to fulfill his “plan”. But I reminded him about his sister, who he still had contact with, I told him about his friends (which he had but didn’t talk about these things with) and all the other people that would miss him. Honestly, I couldn’t say if they’d miss him more than I would, though. He really didn’t make it easy for me to believe that there would be people who cared about him, talking the way he did.

I chose to be on the safe side and be there for Simon as much as I could. Since he told me he never said anything about his life to anybody except for me, I felt like the responsibility was on me to make sure he was okay. Besides, Simon had started to expand his room in my heart. I really had grown found of him, and even I had to ask how someone like him could deserve such an awful life? He was doubtlessly the most devastated person I had ever met. Luckily, I didn’t mind being there for him. I was a strong person, and I could take it.

Well, that’s eventually what I tried to convince myself. The truth was that I too was sick of his dark thoughts, of this depression of his and of him having to sit alone staring into the wall all day. And I was sick of this cruel world that had done this to him. Was he ever gonna get happy at all? Or was my being there just a waste of time?

Giving up wasn’t an option yet, but I sure was desperate. I tried anything that could make him happy. Taking walks, sending silly memes, giving him things to dig into… Most of all I told him about Jesus, the by far most giving energy source in my own life, and what I now saw as the last way out. He was still sceptic to all that, but something had happened after the night we’d spoken on the phone. He listened. It seemed as if he was slowly beginning to open up. I knew God could see that too, because he took the opportunity and met Simon the very next week.

The weekend before, Simon and I had been to an amusement park. It had been one of the best days of his life, according to Simon, which I was glad to have been able to give to him. We talked a lot that day, and one of the last subjects we had discussed that day was how to approach God. “How do you get to know him? How do you meet him?” I recall saying something about God working in funny ways and that he uses very individual methods to reach out to us; that you just gotta have to be prepared! He didn’t know it by then, but Simon was prepared. That night Simon had a dream, where he met Jesus in a bar, telling him in Persian about how there are seven billion people in this world and that there are seven billion ways to get close to God. – A revelation! When Simon told me about his dream the next morning, it was the second time I knew for sure that God had not forgotten Simon.

Unfortunately, this time I wasn’t able to meet up with Simon to discuss the dream. You see, I was going away on a Christian camp (ironically), which ment I wasn’t gonna see Simon at all during the upcoming week. It was weird, because among all of the weeks that we’d known each other, this turned out to be the week that I came to wish that I had been there for him more than ever before. He was going through one of the hardest periods of his life. The darkness and the depression seemed to have taken over, and he was in horrible pain. Meanwhile, I was having the time of my life and didn’t put aside as much time to think about Simon as I was used to do. I felt light and I felt great!

Although that I didn’t realize until I was back in my room again, “home”, opening Simons chat just to see a picture of his arm, or rather the freshly made cuts on it, and I literally could feel my shoulders drop to the ground. It was as if somebody had just buried me under a pile of bricks, my body physically felt heavier than ever. Believe me or not, but this actually was the moment when I understood how much this time with Simon had affected me. The suicidal thoughts, the depressive conversations… I was done with that. But I couldn’t just leave Simon, he ment too much to me for that. But I sure was gonna end this depression. There had to be a way out of it, and that way had to be through God. I couldn’t see any other solution to his misery no more.

So the next day we met again, after having the time of one’s life or after having the worst week ever. He wore a bandage. I knew it was to cover the cuts. Other than that, he was just as usual: broken and miserable.

This day I had brought him a Bible in which I had marked all the verses containing “The Light”, because another thing Jesus had told him in his dream was that He was the light. At first, he was just looking quickly at the pages, how it was disposed and where my markings were. Together we started reading the first chapters of Matthew, but before I knew it, Simon had dived into the book. He read and he read, as I kept one eye on the book and one eye on Simon. Eventually he looked up, and I could see he was thinking of a question. It was about a word I can’t remember, that he thought ment something similar in Persian. Then we started talking about what he’d read, and I told him about the story of Jesus Christ.

It was a beautiful afternoon, but as it was beginning to get late, we decided to get moving and go home. He thanked me for today, something that he usually did after meeting with me, and we hugged goodbye. Of course by then, none of us knew that in a few hours we would meet again.

When Simon got home, he probably had something to eat, sat down by his computer for a while and eventually realized he’d better have a look on those cuts. That’s when I got the message: “LISSY! WHAT IS THIS?” I didn’t understand a thing, until he sent me a picture of his arm. “Is this a joke?!” I could tell he was writing in frustration. “THE CUTS ARE GONE!”

I still wasn’t quite following him. What was he saying? That his armed has healed over a day? I only knew one reasonable explanation for that kind of activity. “I want to see that arm”, I said. Then I jumped into the car and drove as fast as I could to meet Simon in the park were we always started our walks.

Simon was right. The bandage was gone when I came, and on his arm was not a single sign of cuts or scars at all. It was like he’d never even gone through with it! I was astonished. Had his arm really been healed by God? I had never seen anything like that before. It was amazing!

Simon on the other hand was freaked out, which I suppose I’d be as well if I didn’t believe I knew how it could be possible already. Finally Simon gave up: “Okay, I know that he exists now! What does he want from me?”. I knew he wanted to show Simon that he hadn’t forgotten him. I was just hoping Simon would see that too. I mean, it was rather obvious, wasn’t it?

Simon didn’t seem to think so. In fact, he was mad. If God really loved him, how come he’d just had that terrible week? It didn’t make any sense to him.  And I thought this night would be the turning point for Simon… Was there even such a thing?

In fact, I was to find out the answer just the very next afternoon we met. ♥︎

Until next time,
Lissy