When you don’t love him back

Hey Beautifuls,

Breaking up with someone is always tough, but relationships either last or they don’t. If you know it won’t last you don’t have much choice.

I met my first real boyfriend about two years ago. This guy was doubtlessly the most wonderful guy I had ever met. He was the kind of boyfriend that saw to your heart, that didn’t care what you looked like but still thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world (and made you feel so as well). He asked about your day and listened to you when you talked, he was funny and lovable, and at the same time the kindest person. No one is flawless, I’m aware of that, but I tell you: he was as close as can be.

I felt like I could share anything with him, still everything wasn’t quite all right. You see, when he kissed me, I wanted to pull away. I felt like that the first time he kissed me and I felt like that every other time we kissed too. Since I’d never kissed anyone before him, I didn’t know what it would be like either. I thought (or rather hoped) that it might be one of those things developing by time!

Well, it didn’t. I wasn’t attracted to him at all! I waited for weeks, months and eventually more months to see if anything would change, but the thought of being in a relationship with him made me wanna run away. It was as if someone was holding me from running though, or rather something. The thoughts were taking over my mind: “Guys like him don’t grow on trees if you think so, Lissy!” “Are you really gonna leave him?” “Don’t you understand how hurt he’ll be!?”

Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do. But I wasn’t in love with him. Actually it wasn’t more complicated than that.

All cards on the table, I made up my mind: I had to break up with him, despite the thoughts in my head. It was not gonna be fun and he would be (understated) miserable for some time, still I’d been sad already and would stay so if not ending this. I had to do it, it wasn’t fair to anyone of us to let it go on like this.

So, I did it on a Friday afternoon, just after school. That way he would have some days off school to collect himself. We took a walk and I told him I had something that I needed to say. I think he sensed what it was, so we sat down at some stairs and I started telling him about how I felt. I had never seen him that broken. Knowing that I was the reason to it didn’t make it much better either, but I knew he would get over it. Then we just sat for a while. I stayed with him as he processed it, trying to show my support as the friend that I was to him, even though I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. Finally, we went our separate ways, and I had the most amazing shower of relief washed over me.

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Break-ups are difficult, but sometimes necessary. To me it was, and looking back I’m so glad I ended it. Nothing is holding me back anymore; I feel free! Only noticing the difference made me understand what an amount of negative energy that relationship had cost me. Now there’s no need to worry about that anymore, and I can start living my life for me!

For those of you who are in relationships; I hope you’re happy. But if you’re not, don’t stay miserable longer than you need. Think about you. Take care of yourselves and set your mind on your own happiness, and nothing else. It’s your life! ♥︎

And beautiful you are,
Lissy

4 thoughts on “When you don’t love him back

  1. As you stated, no need to be with someone you don’t feel that way towards, because it’s also living a lie to that person as well. Glad you were able to accept the truth, be honest, and move on. I hope he is doing okay as well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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