I haven’t told anybody about this. I don’t know how to bring it up I guess, but I don’t feel like I have to tell anybody either. It’s too weird, honestly. You’ll understand why!
You see, about half a year ago, my friend asked me a very strange question. He had come to church that day, which he never used to otherwise, so I wasn’t too surprised when I read his text after the service. “I was gonna ask you something, but you were never alone.” Me, I wanted to know that the fuss was about, of course! So I asked him to tell me what he wanted. He was writing. Eventually I received the message: “Some day in the long life, could I kiss you?”- Okay, I had not expected that. Less so had I expected to say yes, which I also did.
I never had the nerve to do it, though. I mean, he was one of my best friends – it would have been too awkward. Besides, what if he’d start to develop feelings for me and I’d have to turn him down? I could lose him forever by that! On the same time I actually wanted to kiss him… I mean, what is one kiss really? It’s not like it was a big deal!
The more I waited for it, the bigger it seemed, though. Eventually I understood that I had to do it; it was mean to keep him waiting as well. So last week we kissed. It was awkward in too many ways to count, but, and I could never see myself saying this: I liked it. He was glowing after that kiss; he seemed real happy. Only that made me happy. Still I couldn’t help thinking of him the next day, which had nothing to do with the fact that I was happy to have made him happy. No, this was something else. I thought of him the day after the next day, and the day after that as well. And tonight, when he revealed that there was “this girl” who seemed to check him out that he had a crush on as well, my heart even broke a little.
I don’t want us to get involved. It’s better that we stay friends, because if we do, the chances of somebody hurting the other one are smaller. Still it would be exciting to see where it could go. What if this would be the real thing, and I’m dismissing it?
If anything I would just want to kiss him one more time, now that I know it won’t be awkward anymore. I shouldn’t though, should I? Now that he has this other girl and all that. I think I’d better let it go, and keep my friend, right?
*Sigh*… Couldn’t I just have both? ♥︎
Please hang in there with me, Beautifuls. There is somebody for everyone out there.
All my love to You,