If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend reading those before moving on to this one. Here are links to Part 1 – 3:
Part Four: Simon Sees The Light
Simon kept struggling with sleepless nights and dark thoughts. The depression really was like a disease. Our meetings cheered him up, though, and when we hung out, the depression didn’t bother him as much. I guess that’s why eventually he started to call me the pill.
But whenever he was alone, it would come after him. Telling him he was useless, worthless and forgotten. That he could just go and kill himself right away, because no one would mind anyways. I got many of these texts, when Simon had started to believe in it and tried to convince me that it was the right thing to do. That he needed to fulfill his “plan”. But I reminded him about his sister, who he still had contact with, I told him about his friends (which he had but didn’t talk about these things with) and all the other people that would miss him. Honestly, I couldn’t say if they’d miss him more than I would, though. He really didn’t make it easy for me to believe that there would be people who cared about him, talking the way he did.
I chose to be on the safe side and be there for Simon as much as I could. Since he told me he never said anything about his life to anybody except for me, I felt like the responsibility was on me to make sure he was okay. Besides, Simon had started to expand his room in my heart. I really had grown found of him, and even I had to ask how someone like him could deserve such an awful life? He was doubtlessly the most devastated person I had ever met. Luckily, I didn’t mind being there for him. I was a strong person, and I could take it.
Well, that’s eventually what I tried to convince myself. The truth was that I too was sick of his dark thoughts, of this depression of his and of him having to sit alone staring into the wall all day. And I was sick of this cruel world that had done this to him. Was he ever gonna get happy at all? Or was my being there just a waste of time?
Giving up wasn’t an option yet, but I sure was desperate. I tried anything that could make him happy. Taking walks, sending silly memes, giving him things to dig into… Most of all I told him about Jesus, the by far most giving energy source in my own life, and what I now saw as the last way out. He was still sceptic to all that, but something had happened after the night we’d spoken on the phone. He listened. It seemed as if he was slowly beginning to open up. I knew God could see that too, because he took the opportunity and met Simon the very next week.
The weekend before, Simon and I had been to an amusement park. It had been one of the best days of his life, according to Simon, which I was glad to have been able to give to him. We talked a lot that day, and one of the last subjects we had discussed that day was how to approach God. “How do you get to know him? How do you meet him?” I recall saying something about God working in funny ways and that he uses very individual methods to reach out to us; that you just gotta have to be prepared! He didn’t know it by then, but Simon was prepared. That night Simon had a dream, where he met Jesus in a bar, telling him in Persian about how there are seven billion people in this world and that there are seven billion ways to get close to God. – A revelation! When Simon told me about his dream the next morning, it was the second time I knew for sure that God had not forgotten Simon.
Unfortunately, this time I wasn’t able to meet up with Simon to discuss the dream. You see, I was going away on a Christian camp (ironically), which ment I wasn’t gonna see Simon at all during the upcoming week. It was weird, because among all of the weeks that we’d known each other, this turned out to be the week that I came to wish that I had been there for him more than ever before. He was going through one of the hardest periods of his life. The darkness and the depression seemed to have taken over, and he was in horrible pain. Meanwhile, I was having the time of my life and didn’t put aside as much time to think about Simon as I was used to do. I felt light and I felt great!
Although that I didn’t realize until I was back in my room again, “home”, opening Simons chat just to see a picture of his arm, or rather the freshly made cuts on it, and I literally could feel my shoulders drop to the ground. It was as if somebody had just buried me under a pile of bricks, my body physically felt heavier than ever. Believe me or not, but this actually was the moment when I understood how much this time with Simon had affected me. The suicidal thoughts, the depressive conversations… I was done with that. But I couldn’t just leave Simon, he ment too much to me for that. But I sure was gonna end this depression. There had to be a way out of it, and that way had to be through God. I couldn’t see any other solution to his misery no more.
So the next day we met again, after having the time of one’s life or after having the worst week ever. He wore a bandage. I knew it was to cover the cuts. Other than that, he was just as usual: broken and miserable.
This day I had brought him a Bible in which I had marked all the verses containing “The Light”, because another thing Jesus had told him in his dream was that He was the light. At first, he was just looking quickly at the pages, how it was disposed and where my markings were. Together we started reading the first chapters of Matthew, but before I knew it, Simon had dived into the book. He read and he read, as I kept one eye on the book and one eye on Simon. Eventually he looked up, and I could see he was thinking of a question. It was about a word I can’t remember, that he thought ment something similar in Persian. Then we started talking about what he’d read, and I told him about the story of Jesus Christ.
It was a beautiful afternoon, but as it was beginning to get late, we decided to get moving and go home. He thanked me for today, something that he usually did after meeting with me, and we hugged goodbye. Of course by then, none of us knew that in a few hours we would meet again.
When Simon got home, he probably had something to eat, sat down by his computer for a while and eventually realized he’d better have a look on those cuts. That’s when I got the message: “LISSY! WHAT IS THIS?” I didn’t understand a thing, until he sent me a picture of his arm. “Is this a joke?!” I could tell he was writing in frustration. “THE CUTS ARE GONE!”
I still wasn’t quite following him. What was he saying? That his armed has healed over a day? I only knew one reasonable explanation for that kind of activity. “I want to see that arm”, I said. Then I jumped into the car and drove as fast as I could to meet Simon in the park were we always started our walks.
Simon was right. The bandage was gone when I came, and on his arm was not a single sign of cuts or scars at all. It was like he’d never even gone through with it! I was astonished. Had his arm really been healed by God? I had never seen anything like that before. It was amazing!
Simon on the other hand was freaked out, which I suppose I’d be as well if I didn’t believe I knew how it could be possible already. Finally Simon gave up: “Okay, I know that he exists now! What does he want from me?”. I knew he wanted to show Simon that he hadn’t forgotten him. I was just hoping Simon would see that too. I mean, it was rather obvious, wasn’t it?
Simon didn’t seem to think so. In fact, he was mad. If God really loved him, how come he’d just had that terrible week? It didn’t make any sense to him. And I thought this night would be the turning point for Simon… Was there even such a thing?
In fact, I was to find out the answer just the very next afternoon we met. ♥︎
Until next time,