Let There Be Music!

Hello Beautifuls!

So, I woke up to the most beautiful, white landscape outside my window this morning. Snow! Everywhere and all around; it must have been snowing all night!

It’s interesting. Where I live, snow is nothing we take for granted anymore. I guess global warming is one of the villains in this, but as I’ve heard, climate is always changing. There by, the word “winter” is more often referred to darkness and depression than snow and light. It’s actually a word we use around here: winter depression, because as soon as the nights become a little longer, the mornings get darker and so does the afternoons, and a thick cloud is covering the sky between these hours, people tend to turn a little blue. In some cases, VERY BLUE.

Me, I thought this was just nonsense until last year. There was no snow at all. Only rain, wind and darkness. I mean, seriously: where had the snow gone to? I was getting impatient, then I felt let down, then depressed as well. That’s why this morning, I felt some extra hope for the humanity! Today is gonna be a good day, that’s what I told myself, and honestly I believe in it!

IMG_5400.JPG

There are plenty of things going on these days. This afternoon, my church is gonna hold a Christmas party. We’ll start up with a service, a choir (in which I am participating) will be singing, a short sketch about the birth of Christ will be played, then everybody is gonna go and eat together, dance around the Christmas tree and then we’re sorta just gonna stick around and wait for Santa Clause. I know this is mainly for the kids, but I can’t help feeling a little excited as well!

It’s gonna be a nice party, I’m sure of that! Although, I have some rehearsing to do. You see, this is not the only Christmas party I will be singing at. Next Wednesday, there is another one. Then there’s Christmas Eve in Church again, and a week after that I will be joining a New Years Camp with more than 300 teenagers and young adults, leaders as myself included, where there are gonna be short ceremonies in the evenings. I’m in the band, and since we want there to be at least some variation, we have about 15 songs to rehears. I’d be lying if I’d say we weren’t working our hands off! Because you know, can’t really work your ass off when all you’re using are your hands! Blink, blink? No? Okay, sorry for my bad joke!

Despite of the amount of work, I’m actually looking forward to all this. Music haven’t been as big part of my life lately as I would have wanted it to be. Now, just like that, I have projects going on all December! Honestly, I feel very blessed! Music is just so emotional, so personal. I’m touched to my very heart every time it surrounds me!

Now, what about you, Beautifuls? Are you in a choir? In a band? Or a great listener of music maybe? I think it’s nearly impossible to exclude music from your life, so I’m sure you have some connection to it!

So, let there be music! ♫

And let it ring, all the way till Christmas. Fifteen days to go, Beautifuls…

Love,
Lissy

IMG_5376IMG_5375.JPG

Christmas Shopping!

Hey Beautifuls!

How’s it going? Got started yet?

I’m nearly a bit scared to say this (because then I’ll remember I’ve forgotten something), but I think I made my last purchases today… (!)

We went shopping my entire family actually. Mom and dad went by themselves and my brother and I decided to go together. It was a good day. Christmas trees in every store, lights twinkling in more shades than I knew existed and, naturally, Santa Clause in the middle of the mall. Let’s just say the children was rather drawn to this point of the building!

It was impossible not to notice the Christmasy atmosphere. Or the masses of people for the record, that also had decided to go Christmas shopping today… Well yeah, It was pretty crowded. But somehow that’s Christmas too!

tree.jpg

So, I found a nice jacket, some earplugs and a hand cream. The thing with my family these days is that we buy our own gifts and then switch with each other. It may sound boring, but that way everyone gets what they want!

Although, I’ve found some unexpected gifts as well. Like a whole box of my dad’s favorite candy, or a nice set of headphones for my cousin. Now all I have to do is wrapping it in (which is gonna take a while), but to be honest I think this is the best part! I get to be creative, which I like, and the gifts always turn out very pretty! Or well, almost always. Sometimes it looks more like a colorful, ball of news paper pages, but you can’t score every time, right?

However, I’m gonna do my best! ♥︎

Wish me good luck!
Lissy

DSC_0384.jpg

The Boy No One Could Help (Part Five)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend you to start with those before moving on to this one. Below are links to the previous parts.

Part One: When I First Met Simon

Part Two: To Walk And Talk

Part Three: Goodbye

Part Four: Simon Sees The Light

 

Part Five: Our Last Meeting

I waited and waited, but the turning point never came. Simon didn’t get better, and he knew he wasn’t going to. So he decided to do it, once and for all: tonight he was gonna suicide.

He told me about it, of course. I had stopped him before, and I considered doing the same this time too. But something told me I wasn’t. I wasn’t gonna stop him this time. After all, it was his life. And I was not the one to decide what to do with it. Besides, I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t. Instead I prayed for God to watch over him, and to meet him in Heaven if he was to do it. I knew Simon had a heart of gold, there had to be a place for him up there. So I tried to comfort myself with that.

Still that night I woke up several times. Every time thinking: “Has he done it yet? What time is it?” It was impossible to know, though. Simon weren’t exactly the kind of person that slept at night. He could stay awake all night through if he pleased. Instead I checked Facebook when I woke up to see how long it had been since he was online. A few hours. By every time I checked, even more hours had been added to the inactivity. Three hours turned to six hours, eight hours, twelve hours… But no, nothing. I couldn’t believe it. He was dead. Simon was gone.

It was such a weird day. I did my best to be nice against all the customers whereas my mind was focusing on figuring out a good way to tell his friends that Simon had suicided, and that I had known about it. And was I gonna tell them first or should I go to the place where I knew he’d be and call the police first? What if somebody else would discover the body before me? No, poor human! I should go and find him. That way I could also make sure he was actually dead.

But I knew he was dead. Just the fact that Simon always answered his texts, and now he didn’t, spoke for it. And if he was asleep, he’d only sleep for three hours maximum. Now he hadn’t been online for 14 hours. This was it. For some reason I felt like giving him a call when I got home before I set off to look for him. (I guess there still was some hope left in me that thought he’d might pick up.) No answer. I called a second time just to be absolutely sure. “Hello?” I couldn’t believe it; IT WAS SIMON!

I have never experienced a phone call as peculiar as this one before. I explained to him that I wanted to check in on him to see if he was dead or not and he told me he’d done it. He DID suicide last night. He just woke up from the sound of his cell ringing. He was in his room, at home, safe. But he had no idea how he’d got there, especially not since nobody but me knew about his plans. Nor did he know how he could ever be alive. Nothing made any sense.

That took a while to sink, for both of us. I was happy I wouldn’t need to go and look for a body that afternoon, though. There were no words to describe the relief when Simon picked up the phone. It was crazy.

Simon seemed to feel pretty okay too, which was unusual. But I was glad for him. Of course, not even this lasted very long. About one week after this incident, Simon had got off the phone with his uncle in Iran. I was to find out what he’d had to say to Simon the very next afternoon.

The wind was warm and the sun was shining when I met Simon for the last time, of course by then, I didn’t know this was gonna be the last time I saw him. This afternoon, we met in another park, near by a lake. As I found out, Simon had been there since last night. He hadn’t been able to sleep because of the news. Instead, he had gone to the park, just sitting staring, but out in the blue for a change.

“So, my uncle called me yesterday”, he started. “Told me that my parents died in Afghanistan when I was a baby. *break* My “parents” aren’t even my real parents. *break* I don’t have any parents!” Then he broke into tears. “There is always something waiting for me, Lissy”, he cried. For the first time since he’d started to tell me that, I could actually believe him. How was it even possible? How could there even be more things to burden this kid with? His life was such a joke.

I tried to comfort him, but it was absurd. After spending as much time with Simon as I had recently, I understood why he wanted to kill himself. I mean, come on! He had no family, no close friends, he was lonely, he couldn’t sleep, he had stopped eating, the depression was killing him and now he had just found out that his parents had been lying to him his entire life. Yeah I know, now I sounded just like Simon. I’m sorry, but I guess that’s because I now was just as sick of Simons life as he was. It was time to face it – I couldn’t help him. No one could! Of course I didn’t want to believe it, not when God had come into his life and everything, that Simon could really be a left over. But seriously, he would never get better. If anything, he would get worse – and so would I. This had to reach an end.

But how could I ever end it? If I’d leave him, he’d literally have nobody. Plus, he was an amazing guy. He really didn’t deserve this crappy life! I suppose that was what made me choose to stay and give him a hug, instead of getting up and walk away. Also, I had learned a few things since I first met Simon. One: talking made him feel better, Two: talking about things beyond suicide and depression made him even happier. I didn’t feel like talking about heavy things anymore, it was too hard, so instead we ended up talking about pottery and carving, since Simon just told me he used to make sculptures in Iran. Incredible… I was sure I knew everything about him already, but there were so many more impressive things about him that I didn’t know.

I really liked Simon, I did. After all this time, he was like a brother to me, but actually I was afraid I liked him more than so. Perhaps you remember that the first time we met, I told Simon I was interested in somebody else to avoid future complications if he for any reason would develop feelings for me? Well, he had. Since a few weeks back, he had been talking about this wonderful girl he’d met, that he’d never felt anything like this before but he could never have her because she would never love him back. I was the only girl his age that he was in touch with during this time, so let’s just say I kinda assumed it was me.

If Simon and I hadn’t had the relationship that we had, this would be a dream scenario. A guy likes me, I might like him back… Of course I’d give it a try! But this wasn’t just “a guy”; this was Simon. If things wouldn’t work out, I could never hurt him like that, ever. So I decided it was better to stay his friend. At least then I wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

Wrong. If you have not heard about irony before, this is what they call irony, Beautifuls:

When I got home that night, Simon had sent me a text confessing all his feelings for me and telling me that it was too hard for him to see me. He couldn’t do that if he knew we’d only be friends and nothing more. So, have I got this right? I chose to stay his friend in order to avoid hurting him when in fact I ended up hurting him more? Yep, that’s how it was. Then he blocked my number.

I don’t know if it was Simon or if it was God who saw how much this was tearing on me, but he let me out of it. I didn’t see Simon again. I can’t say whether he still lives in the city or not, or if he’s alive even. For all I know, he may have gone through with his “plan” and moved on to a different life, reunited with his real parents and you know, living a life without depression.

I wouldn’t know. Honestly, I stopped caring. Don’t get me wrong, Simon still means a lot to me and I pray for him every day. But I have left him in the hands of God now. And I gotta say: I’ve never been better. ♥︎

Lissy

DSC_0629

 

What I Do When I Don’t Do Anything

Hey Beautifuls!

How are you these days?

Christmas is doubtlessly the most busy time of the year, for everyone, I think. But there’s gotta be some time when you’re off school or work and you don’t have anything in specific to do? Can I ask you something? – What do you do then really?

You know I’m a very busy person (how could you forget, I tell you all the time…), which means when I’m finally free, I don’t want to believe it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I spend the first half hour trying to figure out what I have forgotten. “There has to be something I’m supposed to do, this isn’t logical!” Then I realize I’m actually completely off duty. That’s when I shout out of joy, and make myself some pancakes!

When having eaten the pancakes I go to my room, find out it looks like a total mess in there and tell myself I should clean it up. Then what do I end up doing? Telling myself that cleaning is boring and I don’t wanna do that right now!

So my safari around the house begins. What’s there to do? My friends are working or studying, so I can’t call any of them. It’s cold and rainy out side (BTW if you want tips on what to do on a rainy day you should go and check this out!) so I think I want to stay indoors. Think. Yeah, I keep thinking. It’s not like I would have somebody to talk to. It’s quite lonely indoors. I’m alone. Is my life always this lonely? No, only at the moment.

It’s funny, because any other day of the week, all I’d wish for would be a day off. Now that I have it… BOY IS IT HARD TO THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO! I walk around the house, have a look into the different rooms, go to the bathroom, open the door to the refrigerator, turn on a episode of friends and stay there until I’ve seen at least five of them. Then I go to the bathroom again. (It’s true – I’ve come to see a certain pattern. The days I’m free, at home, I use the bathroom way more times than on the days I do stuff. I’m pretty sure this is a side-effect of not having anything to do!)

But at least I don’t do nothing. I do a lot of things when I don’t do anything! All the things I just told you, some days I might even clean a little? Or take an extra tour around the house! Well, I know, impressive but yeah, that’s what I do!

Now, what about you, Beautifuls? What do you do when you say you don’t to anything?  Let me know! I know you all do something… ♥︎

Kindest Regards,
Your lil’ Miss Lissy

lal drops

The Boy No One Could Help (Part Four)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend reading those before moving on to this one. Here are links to Part 1 – 3:

Part 1: When I First Met Simon

Part 2: To Walk And Talk

Part 3: Goodbye

Part Four: Simon Sees The Light

Simon kept struggling with sleepless nights and dark thoughts. The depression really was like a disease. Our meetings cheered him up, though, and when we hung out, the depression didn’t bother him as much. I guess that’s why eventually he started to call me the pill.

But whenever he was alone, it would come after him. Telling him he was useless, worthless and forgotten. That he could just go and kill himself right away, because no one would mind anyways. I got many of these texts, when Simon had started to believe in it and tried to convince me that it was the right thing to do. That he needed to fulfill his “plan”. But I reminded him about his sister, who he still had contact with, I told him about his friends (which he had but didn’t talk about these things with) and all the other people that would miss him. Honestly, I couldn’t say if they’d miss him more than I would, though. He really didn’t make it easy for me to believe that there would be people who cared about him, talking the way he did.

I chose to be on the safe side and be there for Simon as much as I could. Since he told me he never said anything about his life to anybody except for me, I felt like the responsibility was on me to make sure he was okay. Besides, Simon had started to expand his room in my heart. I really had grown found of him, and even I had to ask how someone like him could deserve such an awful life? He was doubtlessly the most devastated person I had ever met. Luckily, I didn’t mind being there for him. I was a strong person, and I could take it.

Well, that’s eventually what I tried to convince myself. The truth was that I too was sick of his dark thoughts, of this depression of his and of him having to sit alone staring into the wall all day. And I was sick of this cruel world that had done this to him. Was he ever gonna get happy at all? Or was my being there just a waste of time?

Giving up wasn’t an option yet, but I sure was desperate. I tried anything that could make him happy. Taking walks, sending silly memes, giving him things to dig into… Most of all I told him about Jesus, the by far most giving energy source in my own life, and what I now saw as the last way out. He was still sceptic to all that, but something had happened after the night we’d spoken on the phone. He listened. It seemed as if he was slowly beginning to open up. I knew God could see that too, because he took the opportunity and met Simon the very next week.

The weekend before, Simon and I had been to an amusement park. It had been one of the best days of his life, according to Simon, which I was glad to have been able to give to him. We talked a lot that day, and one of the last subjects we had discussed that day was how to approach God. “How do you get to know him? How do you meet him?” I recall saying something about God working in funny ways and that he uses very individual methods to reach out to us; that you just gotta have to be prepared! He didn’t know it by then, but Simon was prepared. That night Simon had a dream, where he met Jesus in a bar, telling him in Persian about how there are seven billion people in this world and that there are seven billion ways to get close to God. – A revelation! When Simon told me about his dream the next morning, it was the second time I knew for sure that God had not forgotten Simon.

Unfortunately, this time I wasn’t able to meet up with Simon to discuss the dream. You see, I was going away on a Christian camp (ironically), which ment I wasn’t gonna see Simon at all during the upcoming week. It was weird, because among all of the weeks that we’d known each other, this turned out to be the week that I came to wish that I had been there for him more than ever before. He was going through one of the hardest periods of his life. The darkness and the depression seemed to have taken over, and he was in horrible pain. Meanwhile, I was having the time of my life and didn’t put aside as much time to think about Simon as I was used to do. I felt light and I felt great!

Although that I didn’t realize until I was back in my room again, “home”, opening Simons chat just to see a picture of his arm, or rather the freshly made cuts on it, and I literally could feel my shoulders drop to the ground. It was as if somebody had just buried me under a pile of bricks, my body physically felt heavier than ever. Believe me or not, but this actually was the moment when I understood how much this time with Simon had affected me. The suicidal thoughts, the depressive conversations… I was done with that. But I couldn’t just leave Simon, he ment too much to me for that. But I sure was gonna end this depression. There had to be a way out of it, and that way had to be through God. I couldn’t see any other solution to his misery no more.

So the next day we met again, after having the time of one’s life or after having the worst week ever. He wore a bandage. I knew it was to cover the cuts. Other than that, he was just as usual: broken and miserable.

This day I had brought him a Bible in which I had marked all the verses containing “The Light”, because another thing Jesus had told him in his dream was that He was the light. At first, he was just looking quickly at the pages, how it was disposed and where my markings were. Together we started reading the first chapters of Matthew, but before I knew it, Simon had dived into the book. He read and he read, as I kept one eye on the book and one eye on Simon. Eventually he looked up, and I could see he was thinking of a question. It was about a word I can’t remember, that he thought ment something similar in Persian. Then we started talking about what he’d read, and I told him about the story of Jesus Christ.

It was a beautiful afternoon, but as it was beginning to get late, we decided to get moving and go home. He thanked me for today, something that he usually did after meeting with me, and we hugged goodbye. Of course by then, none of us knew that in a few hours we would meet again.

When Simon got home, he probably had something to eat, sat down by his computer for a while and eventually realized he’d better have a look on those cuts. That’s when I got the message: “LISSY! WHAT IS THIS?” I didn’t understand a thing, until he sent me a picture of his arm. “Is this a joke?!” I could tell he was writing in frustration. “THE CUTS ARE GONE!”

I still wasn’t quite following him. What was he saying? That his armed has healed over a day? I only knew one reasonable explanation for that kind of activity. “I want to see that arm”, I said. Then I jumped into the car and drove as fast as I could to meet Simon in the park were we always started our walks.

Simon was right. The bandage was gone when I came, and on his arm was not a single sign of cuts or scars at all. It was like he’d never even gone through with it! I was astonished. Had his arm really been healed by God? I had never seen anything like that before. It was amazing!

Simon on the other hand was freaked out, which I suppose I’d be as well if I didn’t believe I knew how it could be possible already. Finally Simon gave up: “Okay, I know that he exists now! What does he want from me?”. I knew he wanted to show Simon that he hadn’t forgotten him. I was just hoping Simon would see that too. I mean, it was rather obvious, wasn’t it?

Simon didn’t seem to think so. In fact, he was mad. If God really loved him, how come he’d just had that terrible week? It didn’t make any sense to him.  And I thought this night would be the turning point for Simon… Was there even such a thing?

In fact, I was to find out the answer just the very next afternoon we met. ♥︎

Until next time,
Lissy

 

Winter Breezes…

Hey Beautifuls!

In my part of the world things have really started to change. Now that December is getting close, the days become shorter, windier and colder. Me, I am one of those boring kids who prefer staying indoors as soon as the winter comes. Although I must admit; I don’t think it’s boring. I think it’s super cozy! Sweatshirts and blankets, a cup of coffee or tea and a good episode of my favorite series. How could anybody not enjoy that?

The best part is when the first snow comes, though, and the dark landscape becomes a little bit brighter. By then, I could see myself stepping out into the winter breeze just to admire the lovely picture!

DSC_0025.JPG

 

But with winter comes also something else worth waiting for… Christmas!

I usually think that starting with Christmas lights and music in November may be too early, but honestly, this year I don’t care! I went shopping for Christmas gifts this weekend. There were Santas and mistletoes, carol singers and bells, and I just loved it! After all, it is only once a year.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that this time I’m simply willing to enjoy this time of the year. Sure it will be stressful to make it go around and sure it will be frustrating when I can’t find the perfect gifts (as always), but isn’t it really just about being with the people you love?

If it is, why make such a big deal out of it? Why not just try to enjoy the beautiful atmosphere, the stupid music they play every year and the Santas that appear in every home? I will (try), and I think you should too!

So Merry Christmas, Beautifuls, one month in advance! I hope you’ll be able to enjoy December. And if you for any reason are celebrating Christmas by yourself this year – all my love to you!

Take care lovely readers. ♥︎

See you soon,
Lissy

DSC_0137.JPG

The Boy No One Could Help (Part Three)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first parts of the story, I’d recommend you to read those before moving on to this one. Below are links to Part 1 – 2:

Part 1: When I First Met Simon

Part 2: To Walk And Talk

Got it? Okay, let’s continue…

Part Three: Goodbye

It was amazing how slow the time went by with Simon. We didn’t meet more than once or twice a week, walking and talking, but already had a month passed. Yet it felt as if we’d known each other forever, but I guess that was just how he was. After all, he had opened up to me the first time we’d met. Now, after all this time, I was pretty sure I knew almost everything about him. That’s probably why I took it so hard when he finally said he couldn’t handle this no more. This was the end, goodbye. Have a great life and don’t worry about me. That’s what he said.

To me it was like any other Tuesday afternoon. I was at home, in my kitchen baking this time, when I got the message. “Lissy, I’m really bad today.” “Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me: I’m the one God forgot. I’m gonna do it this time.” Naturally I told him that I cared about him and that I didn’t want him to pursue with it, but it’s like when I say stuff like that, it doesn’t really count, because I “have to” say those things. Only I really don’t. Anyways, that’s what he thought and the reason why he refused to listen to me. But you know me by now: I don’t give up that easily.

And so I think I went on and on for hours, giving him reasons to stay only to have him rejecting my suggestions. Simon could be real stubborn too. Instead he tried to turn it around, convincing me that it was for my own best and that he didn’t want me to get dragged into the same darkness that ran his life. I was offended. Me, if anybody, could handle this. Like he didn’t know me at all! (I was to find out he knew me better than I knew myself, though, but that wasn’t until later.)

Eventually I ran out of words. I wanted to help him, I really did, but I had said the same things over and over again, and it didn’t seem to make any difference. I guess I couldn’t help him. After all, it was his life, and he deserved the right to do what he wanted with it. I had to accept the fact that in the end, I would have no say in that.

So I stepped back. I regretted it the second he wrote back, though. “It was nice to get to know you, goodbye.” Then Simon shut his phone off. And there I was, my heavy head in my hands, groaning at the kitchen table. But it was no use in trying to do anything else.

Days passed and I didn’t hear from Simon. It was real weird, since we’d talked every day during the time that we’d known each other. All of a sudden, he was just gone, and I had no idea whether he was alive or not. To be honest, I was worried sick. Then Saturday came, and I had received a new text. It was from Simon. Even though it pretty much was in the middle of the night, I called him right away.

Picking up the phone, his voice was trembling. Simon had had enough. He was sick of the dark thoughts, sick of the depression and sick of being alone. Even though I couldn’t understand what it was like to be him, I got it. I had seen what it had done to him, it wasn’t hard to imagine it was difficult for him.

I felt so bad for him I wanted to cry. Although, what disturbed me the most was that he kept telling me how lonely he was. I knew he wasn’t alone! Not because he had me, but because it was obvious he’d had somebody watching over him since the day he’d been born, during the shitty childhood and especially during the months he’d been on the run. Let’s just say Simon had been a little too lucky to have made it here on his own. Did you know he couldn’t swim? Yet one day, he’d reached the part of the journey where he would have to cross the stormy sea in a tiny, overcrowded rubber boat. Out on the water, the waves grew bigger and stronger, and the boat tipped over. In the middle of the storm, Simon managed to forget about the panic to remember something he’d heard when he was younger: if you fill your lungs with air, you float. That’s how Simon was one out of very few refugees to survive that night.

Still he didn’t believe there could ever be a God. He didn’t want to, after all the things he’d seen, and if there would be a God, why didn’t he put Simon in a family that loved him and gave him a happy life in a safe part of the world? I wish I had the answers of his questions, but I didn’t. Geeky as I am though, I was sure Jesus saw him, and I kept telling him that even though he’d sigh and tell me he could never believe in that. I had heard it before, how silly it is to believe in such nonsense as the Bible, and so I was kinda prepared of this kind of response. In fact, I was nearly chocked when Simon didn’t sigh or told me he could never believe. This time, he sat quiet for a second. I could hear him breathing on the other side of the cellphone. Then he said: “I want to get to know your God.”

At first I thought he was joking. SIMON, the boy who thought religion was stupid, wanted to hear about God? I guess he was willing to try anything to get better now! But I also figured he might had seen what a positive impact my relationship to Jesus had had on my life. How I could be so certain of something that doesn’t exist must have started to nag on him too.

So once again, we started meeting, walking and talking as before. I told him about “My God” and he always managed to reach the same conclusion: that it was good that I was religious but he could never believe in the things I said. Being stubborn sorta was a part of his persona, and giving in would take away his pride. Anyways, that was before he met Jesus himself, and before he no longer could say that there was no God. I suppose it’s easier to say that things don’t exist before you’ve seen them with your own eyes. ♥︎

Lissy

Just A Reminder of How Small We Are

Hey Beautifuls!

Did it ever strike you just how small we are? People, in general, really. We’re born, we work, we eat, we sleep and then one day we die. Our existence is just a fraction of the long timeline that life has lived on this earth. And me, I am just a head among the seven of billions of other individuals i this world.

2500 years ago, the Greek constructed Parthenon. By this time, a woman was soon about to give birth to Aristotle, a philosopher, physicist, biologist, rhetoric (among other things…) that we still discuss today. The Romans took over Europe, Columbus discovered America, Isaac Newton found gravity, Thomas Edison developed the light bulb, Picasso painted a famous painting, two awful world wars broke out but was also defeated, some bright soul invented the TV, Nelson Mandela fought for a society built on equality, young Malala stood up for women’s rights and female education in the Middle East and was rewarded the Nobel Peace Prize … And what did I do? Well, I could impossibly have done any of those things, right? Somebody already did!

DSC_0149

Look, I may not be a well known philosopher, a pioneering leader or the hero of modern time, but why would anybody expect me to be any more than who I am? God made me this way, this is where I’m supposed to be. The people I meet is exactly the ones I am ment to run into, and I have every opportunity in the world to make an impact on their lives. Anyhow, that’s what I think.

Our time here is so short we don’t even realize it. That only makes it even more important to live while you can! Take care of this short while, be where you can be and be to those you meet what you need to be. Don’t worry about living the greatest, most awesome life that looks even more so on the outside. When you’re dead, nothing will matter anyways, and no one will care about the fact that you rode a black horse all way to Cape Town (or something else you consider awesome). Aim for living a pleasant life instead, even if it feels a bit small. Honestly speaking: it is small! But as long as you have friends and family that loves you, you will be all right no matter what.

Live in the moment just where you are Beautifuls, and do what you can. ♥︎

Spread love,
Lissy

DSC_0191.jpg

 

Sometimes I Just Wanna Spend The Night at Home!

Hey Beautifuls!

Are you party people? Busy people? People who prefers taking their walks in the night? Or maybe people that stays home way too much to be able to actually enjoy it? Me, I am busy people. If you can’t find me at work, you’ll find me in church, and if you can’t find me in church you’ll find me at my friend’s. You might even find me on an interesting meeting about integration some place far away, but at home? Wouldn’t think so!

I obviously enjoy having plenty of things to do, but I also happen to be the kind of busy people that could use a day off some times. The problem is that whenever I get the chance to finally stay home for a day, I can’t think of anything to do… So I get bored! Thereby, I’m afraid I need to have 28 balls in the air on the same time! Otherwise I’ll just get “bored”!

But do you know what I’d really enjoy? An evening off! An evening is just the perfect amount of time where I can make myself a nice sandwich, turn on an episode of friends and just relax – without getting bored! It’s so simple, but I love it! Especially now that it’s getting dark and cold outside (at least where I live).

Something I used to do when I wouldn’t have the weekends packed with stuff is to pop some popcorn and spend the evening watching a good movie. Last week, I realized how long it had been since the last time I did that. So I saved the Friday night, watched the movie and fell in love. I really missed this.

Honestly, I don’t understand why I gotta be so busy all the time. In fact, I should do this more often. Just stay home and watch a movie with no need to worry about anyone but myself and my popcorn. That’s why I’m saying: Sometimes I just wanna spend the night at home!

And who knows? Maybe you could use a free night too? I don’t think anybody could say no to popped popcorn and a good movie. Although, to some (busy) people, it is tempting to skip the movie and do something more important instead. Well, Beautiful; don’t. You if anybody would need to unwind!

So, what are you gonna do tonight? I’m imagining you singing back to me in a choir right now. “That’s right”, is what I would tell you: Spend the night at home! ♥︎

Allow yourselves to take a break, Beautifuls!

Your one and only,
Lissy

DSC_0337.jpg

 

The Boy No One Could Help (Part Two)

Hey Beautifuls!

If you haven’t yet read the first part of the story, I’d recommend you to read THIS first. Otherwise, this would be the second part of The Boy No One Could Help: To Walk And Talk.

Part Two: To Walk And Talk

Simon and I had decided to meet in the City Park. Usually I didn’t meet with stranger guys like that, but since we’d already met once (and I’d been quite clear with the fact that I was interested in somebody else to avoid future complications if he’d for any reason develop feelings for me), I thought I’d be fine. Besides, I knew he really needed someone to walk and talk to (Simons way of putting it), and I didn’t mind being there to listen.

Walking into the park, I was nervous of course. After all, pretty much all I knew about this guy was that he could kill himself any minute. The funny thing was that from the moment we said “Hi” to each other, it wasn’t weird at all. He asked me how my day had been, I said “good” and asked about his day and he said “well, not good”… Then again, he started talking, and this time I’m sure I got to take part of his entire story.

Simon was born in Afghanistan. Shortly after his birth, his parents had run to Iran because of the war. He grew up as the eldest of three children: him, his little brother and his sister which he loved very much. Being the first born son, his parents chose to treat him differently from his siblings. If somebody did wrong, he was the one being lectured, by anything from harsh words to violent fists. It might would have been different if his father hadn’t been an alcoholic or if his mother would have had the courage to say interfere, but they were his parents. And even though he hated them, he loved them as well.

Getting older, things got more brutal at home, though. Simon decided to leave the house when his father had a final outrage on him and ended up beating Simons grandpa to death, of course blaming Simon for the incident (which Simon still believes in). He was twelve years old by that time, when he had to live on the street and when he needed to learn how to make it on his own. In waken condition fully concentrated on finding food to make it through the day, and a place to sleep to make it through the night. Eventually Simon found a place to live, at an Armenian woman’s house in exchange for labour. The Armenian woman was a business woman and owned a nice computer company in the city. There he stayed until he decided it was time to take off, and leave Iran and everything that came with it behind, for good.

The reason why Simon was talking as much as he did could easily be because I didn’t say much, but I wasn’t sure how to respond. What do you say when you hear something like that? To me, his life seemed like a movie. But I really tried to imagine what he’d gone through. Just sensing how it would feel like when your parents don’t want you and how on earth a twelve-year-old kid could be living on the street; but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I could see where the darkness came from, though. Especially after hearing how his mother had called him after he’d got here to tell him they never wanted him to come back ever, AND after hearing about him meeting the love of his life (and the only one who’d bring love and happiness into this darkness) – dumping him.

In fact, (and I wasn’t surprised any longer) he had tried to suicide several times already. Every time he’d done it, somebody had managed to stop him, though. At least twice: his New Mother (as he prefers to call her); Mary (who he no longer had any contact with since he’d happen to chose his girlfriend before her…). Obviously, he hadn’t been able to pursue with her watching him. This was why his plan was to go back to Afghanistan and suicide there, where no one cared about him.

I came to hear this story many times. Every time we met, at least some part from his previous life came up. Mostly we talked about his girlfriend. To him, the break-up was the worst thing among all of his experiences that had ever happened to him, and what had hurt him the most. She was the reason why he now spent his days staring into the wall and his nights burying the pain in alcohol and cigarettes. My idea was that she was the bomb that started a series of explosions, but it didn’t really matter. He was just as ruined and depressed anyways.

Still, talking calmed him down for a bit, in comparison to the antidepressants, so we continued meeting as we did: walking and talking. Usually after discussing the “dark subjects”, we would start talking about movies or something instead. These were the moments which I really began to enjoy. Not broken-down, Simon was an amazing guy! He was nice and smart, and you could tell he had been forced to grow up at an early age judging from how experienced and intelligent he was. I had so much to learn from him! At the same time, he was a real actor that managed to make me laugh loudly and often as he made one of his many perfect impressions of Captain Jack Sparrow from the movies that he loved. Apart from that, he had an actual heart of gold. I was absolutely sure of that.

It was sad to know that a guy like him would have to be so miserable, because when we’d go our separate ways and he’d wake up the next morning, the depression would be ruling his life once again. And he would be staring into the same wall as he’d been staring into for the last couple of months. ♥︎

Lissy